Lorna #16

Hi Everyone,

I have not written for while as I was swamped with work. I was on call all the long weekend, and there was no end to emergency clients out in the community. It's been work without a break. Something had to give, and today it did - woke up feeling sick, like I was hit by a Mack truck. I cancelled clients, had to re-book into the weeknd unfortunately as I had no other time available, but just stayed home in bed. Got a lot of paperwork done and slept on and off all day. Drank enough fluids to compete with Lake Ontario. I'm feeling better tonight, or maybe it is the Tylenol!

Man, oh man, I have got to find a better balance somehow. I don't know what or how to do that, but it is a project that is percolating in the back of my mind. I cannot keep up this pace for the next 5-7-10 years, yet the pace and work that I now have supports the rest of my life. There must be a better way. I need to get creative and find it.


I lost 2 pounds last week. That felt really good. The stagnant place has been breached and I am starting to go down again. And there is some pride and joy at my improving health and that I have no major health concerns whatsoever. That is such a blessing.

At the same time, the world judges me by my weight, I judge me by my weight, and as John just wrote, there is also that very strong vanity issue. I dislike being so heavy, fat. It's so strange, that when I think about myself mentally, I am far slimmer and feel like my outer vitality matches my inner vitality. And then I look in the mirror..... and my outer reality just stares back. Each pound lost is so hard won, so very hard won. There is no ease in this particular life challenge for me. There never has been.

There is definitely stress and self-esteem issues bubbling away as well. All part of that very real challenge to create my life anew these days. So, just keep plugging away, day by day. I am certainly eating far healthier now than I have done in years and years. That part feels really good. And working out just gives me so much energy.

So, that's it for now. Love to you all, Lorna