Sunday

Hi Everyone,

It sounds like you had a great time Birgie and Al and sounds like you are keeping on track as well as having fun.

I myself have been slipping a bit and I know its the emotional stuff that is getting the better of me. PMS does take hold of my life during my cycle and it seems like it takes everything in me to just keep getting through a day. It's kind of like a trapped frustrated restless feeling inside that I wish I could just take a happy pill and make it go away. But alas I don't think there is a happy pill so instead I eat incorrectly. I'm thinking that I need to take a course or something where I can meet new people and get out a bit more. I am thinking something on a creative level or spiritual level. I have really become quite the hermit in the last few years in my off time thinking that I get enough of people every day in my work life. When I have tried to get out a bit I just don't seem to enjoy myself. Most of my girlfriends are married, living with someone or on the dating scene, therefore very focused on their relationships and all of their kids are much older than Jen as I was the last in our group to have a child. So their free time is spent partying and talking about their relationships. I've had enough of the party's, people seem absurd to me and the conversation is old and boring. I really don't enjoy listening to relationship issues cause then I get into my counsellor role. Of course then there is the question as to why I am not seeing anyone and I really hate going into the whys about that. I really don't think that I am settled enough or happy enough in my own self let alone taking on a new relationship challenge. I really don't think that dating someone will make me a whole person. Since John and I split up my whole focus has really been on my career and catching up on an income level where I can be independent and comfortable. Perhaps all these years of having that focus has changed me in the social department as it has taken a lot of my energy to work hard and in trying to be good Mother first and foremost. I know people say that I have to take time out for myself too but its easier said than done when you have been focusing elsewhere for so long. Maybe a good course in basket weaving would be in order.... haha. Actually one thing I did always want to do is learn some kind of wood working. You may think this is strange but I do remember as a child going to the lumber yard with Dad and the hardware store in the village and absolutely loving that. And when Dad had scraps of wood left over from projects he would give them to me and I would build boats (that were too heavy to ever float...lol) having so much fun hammering pieces together and painting them. So maybe I should see if there is something like that out for me where I could have a project and learn something to boot.

Anyhow.... today I am going to drive Mom home to St. Catherines which should be an enjoyable drive as Mom will be full of her stories about the picnic yesterday and seeing her friends which is always nice to listen to. It was nice as well to talk to you Birgie yesterday and listen to your painting stories. I'm so glad that Mom is happy and that you Birgie have you painting and your ambitions. You are keeping so positive during this journey in your life. It is very inspirational to look up to both of you and the things you have gone through and that helps me a lot seeing how well you have managed it all. Thanks so much for that!

So off I go to get ready for the day. Have a great one everyone and I will try to do better today in the eating department. I bought a pilates ball but I have to set up the video machine to watch the video first before I try it as I really have no clue what to do with the darn thing but sit on it or bounce it... lol

Huggs and Kisses

Angie