soup, anyone? (posted by Janine)

Hey Fam,

Ang, I was also very moved/touched/saddened by your letter. I'm unsure whether it's a trait that's hereditary, but I experience the same feelings of isolation. The whole idea of not wanting to pursue a relationship because you feel like you need to "fix" yourself in order to be good to someone or allow someone to be good to you is something that I also live with. And all the while we are mired in the thoughts and truths that opportunity and life just pass us by. I've often wondered about myself if my self-judgements are only really comprised of self-importance and self-involvement. I've often thought that all of the energy exerted on thinking about what's "wrong" is wasted, when I could be exerting that energy into making things "right". But humans are complex people. We come from a very gifted creative family, even if some don't focus too much attention or import on their creativity. But the thing about creative people is that we're emotionally sensitive. Probably more so than the average soul. Easily affected by outside stimuli. The eating issue and the weight issue are only small pieces of the puzzle on a grander scope. Being thin will not find you happiness alone. There are so many other elements to getting there. But what I can say, without doubt, is that your kindness and humour and beauty are undeniable traits, Ang. Regardless of the strain of life and you own personal frustrations and what you see as short-comings, the truth of your wonderful qualities are things that you cannot elude. They are innately you. And that makes you worth so much more than maybe sometimes you feel worth. I think that taking time for you is key. I remember working at night school when I was younger. There was a wood working course and I remember a women taking the course and she was building a beautiful wardrobe. When you mentioned taking a course, I imagined you building something magnificent. I've always dreamt of building myself a gorgeous hope chest. I could also see you delving deep in to the healing arts. Reiki and stuff. You'd be awesome at that, because I think that you're also innately very spiritual and more in touch then you recognize. Old soul type shit, you know? Please be kind to yourself.

Speaking of shit... I think I might've figured out my issue. I'm no doc and self-diagnosis can be dangerous, but just based on some experimentation... I cut out gluten from my diet yesterday and felt fine... No soup-ass. I added wheaty things and gluten this morning and instant digestive upset followed by eventual soup-ass with a vengeance. So what does this mean? I think I might be celiac which is a genetic disorder that makes gluten indigestible and rather toxic to the body. I may be jumping the gun, but for a long time now I can remember wheaty stuff causing a ruckus in my system. After reading more I've learned that full-blown celiac disorder can lay somewhat dormant until it is triggered by an event of some sort. Stress, Miscarriage, operation or accident, etc. So I felt that maybe stress or coming off of raw veganism might've caused the trigger. Still, I'm no professional. All I can do is eat what my body tells me to, and for now it says "screw you gluten". Wish me luck in figuring it all out.

Love,
neens