Hey everyone,

So today has been the first day of no soup-ass. Still uncomfortable digestive upset on occassion, so I'm trying to figure out how to temper that. Seems eating smaller, lighter meals is best. If I eat a moderately bigger meal all at once, I feel bloated and crampy. I used to be able to stomach larger portions, but my body is telling me it's no good anymore. So I'm taking that as a sign of better choices in the future.

Today I went and had an interview/orientation at the Institute of Holistic Nutrition. All around good energy and vibes from everyone there, so taking the one year certification would be a really good choice for me. I'm just in the midst of trying to figure out affording a year off to study. OSAP doesn't cover this school, so I'll have to perhaps do the bank loan thing. If anyone wants to make an invetment in my schooling, I will offer you free nutritional planning, monitoring and consultations once I'm certified. Heh.

I did some other grown up things today including finally getting RRSPs and talking to the bank guys about loans and credit and applying for mortgages in the future. J, Tan and I have been discussing buying a house together in Toronto perhaps next year. We'd be looking for a multi-unit property so that each family could have their own unit and perhaps we could have a third and/or fourth to rent out to help cover the mortgage. There are some great neighbourhoods and communities in the city and I think the kids would love it. Plus, Jason loves working downtown and Tania is looking forward to a change. She could find a job in her field in the city no problem. We shall see what the future holds, but it looks pretty bright.

On father's day Jason and Tan came over with the kids and we all went out and had fun. Aiden and I grow more attached every time we spend time. His energy is so wonderful and positive. I feel like I'm finally getting over the feeling of being lonely and feeling like some kind of relationship failure. It's been a few years since I've had a stable partner in my life, and that's been my choice, but now that I'm coming to grips with spending time alone, I'm beginning to see it as a positive thing. Wondering what's the rush and whatnot. I'd much rather take the time to truly get to know myself and love myself and know what I want out of life and a partner, rather then hope that I magically find a partner who will answer all of the unanswerables for me. Nothing is guaranteed in life. So you must first have your own back and be satisfied with your own personal choices. After all, you have to spend the most time with yourself for the rest of your life, so you might as well dig hanging out with yourself. I've met a lot of people in my lifetime who are entirely co-dependent. People who cannot be alone or create fun for themselves. I find these people very hard to relate to, because I know that if I didn't have my solitude and alone time for just me, I would go nuts and probably wouldn't have a clue who I was. Benoit was sort of like that, and therein resided the fundamental difference and it's probably what lead to our relationship's immanent demise. Sure, there are fellas who court me and swoon and gaga and whatnot, but I just don't feel into it. I'd much prefer fascinating friendships. I recently have spent time with this really wonderful fella who's a gifted musician, manager of a music publishing company, bred from a very well-to-do family, and his grandfather was even a member of the Group of Seven (Frederick Arbuckle). We've had nice times together, but I'm quite content with his companionship and friendship, though I get the word that he might like it to be a more serious. I don't feel much need in my life for that "partner" thing. Not until I'm ready, and I'm certainly not. Not until it's "right", you know? I'd much prefer to have all of the freedom in my life to run with. Travel, school, work, don't work, move, don't move.... all on my terms. There's something really nice aobut that. But please, someone stop me the moment I adopted my 14th cat, ok? Throw me on an online dating site and don't let me get up until I'm back in the game.

As for the diet, I've been ok I guess. My health issues have caused me some stress so I don't know if I've been focussing on diet as closely and diligently as I should. Plus, I'm beginning to retain water cause Aunt Flo (dumb bitch) is coming to visit this weekend. More raw foods in the plan for me. The good news is that I've more or less maintained a good deal of my weightloss since starting the raw cleanse. I'm 1/3 of the way to my goal. Maintaining and losing the last 10 lbs won't be easy, but I'M GOING TO DO IT!

Best of luck to you all. You're doing awesome!

love,
neenie