Nursing is quite the profession! (By Jess)

Thanks for all your sweet words guys! I most certainly take pride in my job as a nurse, and am excited to be able to pass on any tidbits to help any of you along as the years go by. I feel as though I have a wealth of knowledge in certain areas, but one wonderful thing about my job is it is broad, and continuous learning is the name of the game. I feel ilke a sponge and love to take in new knowledge - our bodies are really something else!!!!! I am really considering looking into doing my American Nursing exam so I can move there for some time if I want. I would love to move to Maui or California for a few mths or something later on. I know the opportunities are endless for me in this profession. I am also interested to apply to Sick Kids, and also have been dreaming about Neauro ICU at the Western. Man, I love this job!!! haha SO, if ever you need help from a nurse, I am your personal nurse and dont forget it! :)

On nights now, and the night is a lot lighter than it has been previously. In case I dont make it on tomorrow, Happy Canada Day!!!

Love ya's

Thanks...

Hi All...
Thanks for all the good thoughts and suggestions, especially Jessie and Angie. I will refer to them whenever I feel the need. Presently trying to wrapup some unfinished jobs.
Pre-op won't be for at least a week. I can probably do the Art Show at the Niagara Parkway Gardens on July 14th and 15th. Al and I can manage that one alright I'm sure. Just once I'd like my paintings nestled amongst all the other wonderful art. So it shall be!If we need anyone's help we will ask.Thank you for caring!
After surgery I will be staying in the guest room to recuperate. Stairs could get tricky. Al will make a great nurse I'm in good hands. I'm sure having you so close Mom too will help.
Looks like a great day, today? Have a great weekend.
Love Birgie

Mom/Omi

Hallo to all my family!
Just came in from a quiet time on my porch.Was reading"The Secret"
Finiched reading all the letters.It is good to hear Birgit,you are so possetive,and that is so importend.Jessy you are sweet how you explained all to Birgit.You are so caring and anybody would like you to be there nurse.I think it is a blessing to have you in our family.I am glade you had a great holiday up north,the pictures show it,Matt and you,so sweet!
Angie,its good to know that you will be able to see Birgit in the Hospital,I remember your loving
care when I was the one.
Good,you Birgit can get home care,those are all nice nurses to come to the house.And you can count on me,your old mother too.Until next time,hugs and kisses Mom/Omi

What a great attitude Birgie! ( posted by Angie )

Hi Everyone,

Jessie it's so awesome we have you in our family to keep an eye out for us as a nurse. I am truly proud of you and know you are the best of the best in your field. It's great to have such support!
Birgie I am glad that you had such a great meeting with your doctor and wow... look at those words you spelled! So does that 6 lbs count towards our team goal... hehe :) sure hope so! Sounds like they are doing all the right things for you and yes the Cancer clinic here at Hamilton Henderson is awesome. Wellwood Resource Centre for support is there as well but I understand they are closed till Tuesday due to flooding... Yikes (thats my department). If they gave you information about Wellwoods resources please take advantage even pre-op. They have a group specially for gynecological cancers which is rare and they said that it can be very helpful. It's all up to your own needs and comfort level as well of course but I just wanted to add that in. They are also very wonderful people working with the clinic to support not only you Birgie but your whole family if they need. Birgie I am available whenever your surgury is to sit with Al and be there for you. I have already talked to my boss about that and he has no problem with me taking the time for this. 4 hours is a long time and I most certainly will be there with Al if you want me to be. It's no trouble. Anyhow... keep up the great attitude and keep on juicing!!!!

Love ,
Angie

HI Birgie! Well, I am happy to hear you had your questions answered and that you feel comfortable with the Doctor. Without a doubt, you will take more comfort in your pending surgery if you trust the team, and also have the knowledge of what to expect. The surgery you are having will require you to have willpower, but you will do just fine because you have a positive attitude! Post operatively, any bit of advice I can offer you is this: 1) Deep breath whenever you can (really expanding and deflating your lungs) which will prevent pneumonia and other post op respiratory complications, 2) after surgery you will be drowsy of course, but whenever you are feeling awake enough, move your limbs here and there in bed...this will prevent a blood clot from forming post op, 3) Walk as soon as you can tolerate (might have to push yourself though as it might be difficult and painful - ask for pain meds perhaps before)again minimizing possible blood clots, 4) Make sure your pain is managed. What we do on my floor is ask you to rate your pain from zero being no pain, and 10 being the worst pain you can imagine. If you make sure your pain does not get too out of hand, you will get through it all just fine, 5) When deep breathing and if you have to cough or move around in bed, a pillow on your abdomen will lend a great hand in your comfort. Just hold it close to your stomach. 6) Most importantly, know you have just gone through something significant in your life and that chapter is over, so be positive and love yourself!!!! Your positive attitude along with the support from family, friends and the heathcare team, you will get through this!! :)

Looking forward to knowing the date of your surgery Birgie. And that is wonderful that you are still trying to lose weight! Sounds like the juicer is working out quite well for you and Al!!!! :) :)

Working nights Fri - Sun...gonna be a long one as the floor is busy!

All the best to you all! Love and love and love, Jess

Funny Doctor...

Hi all!
Today we had our assessment about my cancer condition and it is called papillary serious carcinoma.
Surgery will be be performed hopefully in mid August, no diagnosis about the extent of the cancer until then. They will be removing my ovaries, uterous, fallopian tubes and cervix and lymh nodes via panniculectomy-hip to hip incision . The doctor will remove about 6 lbs. of fat tissue in my tummy at that time. This will allow him to better remove all the other organs which together are the size of my hand.My intestines will move into that spot won't they be happy more room to breath.
After surgery they will know more , the healing of the incision will take time and home care will likely be provided.
They were very thorough with their questions and examination of me so I feel I am good hands. The Juravinski Cancer Center in Hamilton, really is a friendly place, very kind and caring ! So for now we will continue on until we get our next dates, it's still a waiting game but we do have more answers.
Back on track weight wise, juicing is great, see if I can knock off more weight before the surgery.
My weight was the key factor in not doing a regular hysterectomy (too high a risk), now it's an absolute must with the cancer being present. I will have to meet with the anestheologist as well. This is a 4 hour surgery and I need to be in good shape emotionally and physically for this, he needs to know my patterns.
Enough about that I have ample reading material , feel confident about it all!
Have a great weekend all!
Love Birgie & Al

mom/omi

Hi all!Its so good to read all your messages.We just talked Birgit.I am so glad ,you have a positive attitude,the will to get healthy again is importend.I know Dear Al,you will be the best support Birgit could have,Thank God!I also know you are the best JUICER there is!!!But by any means, if you would naed my help,I live just around the corner,and glad to help,okay.
My little Janine is packing her Knapsack to go to THE OLD COUNTRYMy dear Angie don't work s o hard.I guess with ONE FINGER I am typing with,you would not be were you are now.I am so proud for all your achivement.I can see you are following the
principals of the Book"The Secrets"like Birgit has done too.I am reading it now,And found out
that I have followed in those footsteps.I came along way,to finely know myself and have my inner peace.Love yourself and others will love you too.You have your beautiful Jenny and Life is good,when we can care.
My dear Jenny,you have grown so much.All the swimming lessons paid off,it made me realy happy to see you having fun in the pool,DOGS and all!!
My dear Jessy you ask,how I like the book?It is very very good.One of these days I will
reflect on it more.It shows you the Life lessons I went throught
To nigth I ate to much,One patatoe,2 scrambled eggs and a cowl salad,with a little dressing.
Watered my flowers and grass.But it is cooler to night.
Wish you all a great weekend.The sun will shine.Mom/Omi

Thanks

All will be well!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Thursday (posted by Angie)

Hi all!

Work has been nuts and I am a typing fool. My thumb is jammed so it hurts to type much. Just wanted to say awesome to Janine for doing some wanderlusting in Europe. I'm sure you will find it to be a great experience. Also to Birgie ... will be thinking of you tomorrow and putting positive thoughts out into the grand Old Universe for your health and healing!!!! Love you all!

Thumb Jammed Ang

Wonderful...

Neenie, so happy you and Melissa have booked your trip to Europe. Hopefully you will be able to see your grandparents' hometowns Flensburg in North Germany and Dresden in East Germany. It is close to Prague, Czceh. What a wonderful adventure you will have!
I recently watched the Secret, a gift I'd asked for from my sweetie. After watching it I realized much of it's teachings were passed on to me back in 1996 by my Reiki Master Sherry in an effort to help me move on to a better place with my life. Amazingly in hindsite I do believe there were many times during tough times in my life that I did unknowingly use many of the principals. Other times negativity played a not so positive role.
We are what we manifest! Especially right now I manifest to rid myself of my sickness! It's a very big inconvenience and it really does not fit into my master plan!
I am grateful for all that I have and will have in the future!
Al just made us a tomato, carrot and green and yellow pepper juicer drink.It surely is an airplane engine, zoom! It was very tasty. He's enjoying trying out the recipes and picking up the ingredients for it. Yummy and healthy! What super juicer Thank You again All!!!!!
He rubbed my achy back, look forward to the pain to be taken away. I am so grateful to have Al in my life. His love for me makes me feel optimistic about all of this. Thanks sweetie! Thanks to all of the rest of you too! This too shall pass!
Love Birgie
Enjoy your weekend all!

Finally Europe-bound (posted by Janine)

Hey guys,

I thought that I'd let you all know that today my friend Melissa and I booked our flights to Europe. We're going to be leaving for Paris on July 26th and coming home from Amsterdam on August 16th. I'm pretty excited. We managed to get a great deal. $799 after taxes. We're planning to visit France, Spain, Germany, Czech Republic and the Netherlands in 3 weeks. A bit of a whirlwind, but I'm sure we'll have an amazing time living of baguettes, brie, boys, and borbeaux...

love,
neenie

Juicing wow!

Hi All,

Been a different couple of days. We drove a Gravenhurst delivery to Whitby. Nice day for a drive. Visited some old friends in Ajax at their new downsized home while in the area. While out yesterday I had salads at Sobys for lunch, good choices I think.
By the time we got home I needed to go to the year end social for one of my art groups. Baby sandwiches, fruit, pastries and punch, so hungry. I did indulge at the evening do.
Today, soft carpet walking, salad at home for lunch.
My lower back is killing me these days as well as my pelvic area, especially when I walk.I try to keep moving anyways. Perhaps it has to do with my cancer, will soon find out on Friday. Lots of questions, Al will be going with me for my appointment.
I just had a glass of fresh apple pear juice delivered to me by my friendly juicer guy Al. Yummy! He's having fun trying it out.
There are a few more tricky days coming up this weekend, will try my best to stay clear of some the things that aren't so good for us.
Once July starts looks like clearer sailing hopefully.
Good luck all!
Love Birgie

another day (posted by Janine)

hey fam,

I've seemed to have stabilized my weight at 135lbs for the last while. This is decent because my weight used to stabilize between 140 and 145 and it didn't quite look good on me. I would like to remain between 125 and 135. that's my goal at this point. but more importantly, I just want to maintain this stable, positive feeling that I have going on. It's keeping me going. I also realize why this diet challenge and blog are such a good idea. Many times I'm sure that we've all gone on drastic diets and tried to change our weight really quickly. the problem is that we easily fall off the path to health and go back to bad habits. With this journey together I think we are gradually easing ourselves in to better habits and ways of being. Weight will naturally fall off at a happy pace as we continue to learn about our bodies and what our systems can tolerate. And when we slip and eat chocolate cake for three days, we're quickly reminded that we need to get back on track, and to not feel guilty. Just work hard on ourselves to repair that damage done. It's very true that a slow progression is what will work best for everyone. certainly, I'd love to see everyone whittled down to their ideal healthy body weights. I know that you will all get there. But I'd much prefer that you take it slow and easy if it means that you'll be imprinting lasting lifestyle changes for yourselves. I''m proud of how positive everyone is. I love you all.

As for me, I'm noticing more and more that everything processed seems to have sugar. Even natural plain yogurt has sugar. Plain cornflakes? Sugar! Sugar is hidden in everything. I've discovered that sugar has the ability to just increase my appetite. If I cut it out for the most part, I feel as though I have a handle on things and don't get wild cravings for sweets and carbs. but it has been a challenge as my sweet tooth is craving and craving. It's hard to cut out all sugar, obviously, but I'm trying.

Yesterday's foods:

Breakfast: 1/4 cup dry measure quick oats cooked with mashed banana, fresh blue berries, cinnamon and nutmeg (note that I added no sugar or salt)

mid-morning snack: grapefruit

lunch: chicken fajitas (beans, rice, chicken with peppers and onion, salsa, guacamole and white flour tortillas - which is a bad one for me to have these days...)

mid-afternoon snack: cherries and almonds

dinner: Tilapia fried in olive oil with spices, garlic and Dijon mustard, lightly steamed broccoli sprinkled with hulled hemp seeds and lemon, canned sweet peas

Cooking without sugar and salt is a challenge. Shopping and planning interesting meals is very difficult. It was actually really interesting to see what are considered the "Devils" in the food world. I would like to eventually remove everything from that list from my diet. I don't drink coffee or caffeine-rich tea or use artificial sweeteners and chemicals. Avoiding dairy, booze and white flour is pretty easy. Losing sugar and salt will be the hardest things to avoid, but I'm pretty sure I can do it. Chocolate? What if it's raw and unsweetened? I'm pretty sure the chocolate they speak of is the loaded with bad stuff kind.

On a different note, my friend melissa and I plan to book a flight to someplace in Europe today. We're hoping to do three countries in three weeks. I'll pst details once we get something sorted out.

love,
neenie

Where is everyone at? (By Jess)

Where are all you pretty people at with weight loss? Just thinking- would love to hear how everyone is doing diet (ahem, or lifestyle change) wise. I personally have lost another 1.5 lbs, but to me it is not showing. Need to invest some time to serious exercise....the speed walking a million times a day does nothing any longer for me. So, ready to get more active.

Just finished another night shift and I am pooped. It takes a lot out of ya! On a good note, I ate really well the last couple of days and while at work (a challenge as to not eat the bad food offered by patients/families). Salads loaded with good-for-me extras, watermelon, walnuts, etc and drank lots of H20 (thanks to this huge heat wave, it is a requirement!). So, I shall keep on doing this, and tweaking things as I go.

So again, how are YOU?

Love ya

Proud of my family (By Jess)

Hi family!

Sad to have missed the family fun for Birgie's birthday on Sunday, I was so pleased to have seen the sweet pictures you posted on here Birgie - so thank you for sharing! :) It sounds like it was a great get together! Looking forward to seeing you all the next time. Birgie, I hope you enjoy the juicer and make many mouth watering concoctions (sp?) and post recipes for us to try! I will one day be in the market for a decent juicer as well, and can't wait to jump on that ban wagon.

Lorna, glad you got to join in Sunday too. You are, as everyone has said, an incredible human being. I feel so lucky to have lived with you and been close to your mom and dad. You really are an AMAZING family. I agree with Angie that there is a calm about you, and that you make it very easy for others to feel at ease with you. I love hugging you cause you just hug me right! hehe I hope to hang out with you again soon. The cottage is coming soon!

Angie, you are wise to really assess the potential damage with the "white and black devils". I give you tons of credit for challenging yourself to omit things that are either a staple or something you down right love to ingest. Chocolate has been something I have tried to cut out, but really, it is hardly an issue for me these days - a piece maybe here and there...like once in awhile. Not something I need. Caffeine is something I really would love to depend less on, even with my nutty days to night scheduling. At one time, I did only decaf which was fine, and I think a very healthy substitute is green tea as it is packed full of antioxidants and likely other great things and tastes pretty darn good too. As for me anf cutting stuff out - my mentality these days are like the majority of days for me, moderation is key and I am not omitting anything at this point. I think it is most important for me personally to watch what I eat, and not over do portions etc (for ex, I cant remember the last time I bought a chocolate bar). I above all, want to control my portion size and eat overall healthier foods, which I have been doing. I was nervous when camping that I would gain weight, but I didnt at all (I suppose playing hardcore volleyball, badminton, frisbee and three major hikes might contribute to this success) even though ate well. Still vegetarian by the way everyone - not a big fuss at all as it is easy, but for camping, had vegetarian breakfast sausage and hotdogs which I think are all awful and would make me gain. haha But did also eat lots of fruit. Oh, and just wanted to mention, of the really bad foods, add pop to your white and black devils - it is guilty! ;)

So, as the lifestyle challenge continues, I am trying to eat less in my portions and be concsious of what I put in my mouth. Also want to get more active and in shape! But definitely as Janine said, our emotional states have all seemingly improved and we all sound as if this is not just a game, but a serious reality that we are all positive about! I am SOOOOO proud of you all for continuing to believe in yourselves cause you are the only person who can turn things around. Keep being positive. Remember, we are all feeding off eachothers support and positive beliefs in eachother and ourselves.

Janine, I too think you look amazing. You have a rockin body that you should be proud of! :P I hope your image in the mirror smiles back at you cause you deserve that. I also wanted to say I love you so much and look forward to many more great times with you...you are like my sister girl. Muah!

Omi, you are doing amazing at entering stuff on here! Hey, how is the book I gave you?


Love and hugs


PS: I think I oughtta post some Algonquin pics for you all - it was so nice there again! Love nature, peace and quiet.

Lorna & Ham you are Special

I agree with you Angie we truly are blessed to have Lorna as part our family.Ham I really do appreciate your opening your home to us yesterday.I know your life is very full. From the bottom of my heart I thank you all for your love and concern! Iwill be sending many of the other photos by hotmail later.
Time to focus back onto getting into the right eating mode. Good luck all! Al gave me the dvd the Secret which I look forward to watching.
Love Birgie

P.S. (posted by Angie)

I was just sitting and thinking about you Lorna and how blessed we are to have you in our family. It was so nice to have you with us yesterday. You have such a kind and giving nature and I wanted to let you know how much I appreciate that. I always feel really relaxed and calm around you which is a great way to feel. Thank you for giving so much of yourself to our family!

Also for Uncle Sue.... Jenny said that it just isn't the same without you with us! Of course we understand you couldn't be there but we wanted you to know we missed you as well as Jessie, Josh, Jen and Matt. I'm sure you all were having a great weekend ... its just that family get togethers aren't the same without you guys! We love you and missed you!

Hope to hear from you soon!

Love ,
Angie

Happy Birthday Birgie! (Posted by Angie)

Hi Everyone,

Yes it was a nice day yesterday and Birgie I am glad that you are happy with your juicer. There is lots of information out there with regard to the nutritional and healing aspects of juicing and another benefit is the fun of discovering new tastes and knowing that it is natural goodness going straight to your cells! Have fun with it and enjoy! Go with your instinct too, not just what you read. Even very basic combinations like apples and carrots are yummy. I like to add beets sometimes as they are high in iron and sooo good for your blood! If you can get organic fruit and veggies its even better though costs a bit more. Organic is free of the chemicals and pesticides sprayed on our fruits and veggies to make them look nicer. Even No Frills carries organic veggies now which is awesome. The less chemicals we put in our body the healthier we will be. So adding a few cents to our food bill isn't such a high price to pay when you think of health and wellness really. Who can put a price on that!

Janine your cake was awesome!!!!!!! Honestly as I said I have never ever eaten a cake so yummy. If you can post the recipe that would be great! I think that I would like to make a special request for my 60th birthday for that cake ... hehe.

I am trying to make a conscious choice in some eliminations myself. I have learned there are 5 "white devils" and 5 "black devils" that are highly addictive in our diets and can cause problems.
The white devils are : Refined white Sugar, Processed Salt, Wheat Flour, white powdered chemicals eg... MSG, artifical sweeteners, and Dairy products. The 5 black devils are: Coffee, Tea, alcoholic beverages, chocolate (sorry Jess) and Black Pepper. Apparently Black pepper can be very addictive and may cause bladder and urethra (sp?) problems. Now I'm not going to jump off a cliff and elminate everything. Janine I hounour your decision to cut out Salt and Sugar. I recall Matt trying to eliminate Sugar at the beginning of our journey and he seemed really stoked on that. Its all an individual choice. I am going to choose two as well. Those being Coffee and Wheat products. Giving this a week I will try to keep those out of my life and move on to eliminate two more and let you know which ones next week adding two more as i go.

So nice to see you all yesterday and glad we had such a sunny day for your birthday celebration Birgie!

Love,
Angie

Sunny day,like 6o years ago!

I enjoyed every moment of our party ,celebrating Birgit's 60 th Birthday.Thanks Helmut for
having us all .The food was fantastisch.What a joy to see Jason and Tania with Aden and Sofia in the pool.Coming to the weigthloosing,I still dont know where I should cut down.At least I have not gained anything.For the next days my meals will be beansalat!!!
My dear neene you realy dont nead to loose anymore,you have a fantastic figur.
Love to all
Mom/Omi
And to you Birgit again a Happy Birthday,its realy today.And than good luck for all !
Mom.

Sugar-free- Mondays are for chumps. (posted by Janine)

It was really lovely to see most of you yesterday. Life gets busy but it's nice to take time out to spend it with people that you love. I can also see changes in everyone. Not just weight... but attitude. Everyone seems to be optimistic and ever-learning. Did we expect this when we started this journey? I can definitely say that my attitude is turning the corner.

So this week I'm trying something a little different. I'm trying to cut out salt and refined sugar from my diet. These substances make me crave more food and I sense really throw my system off balance. I absolutely have a sugar-addiction that I want to break. on top of this, I'm going to seize from consuming wheat and dairy. Some personal observations and lots of reading are telling me that these things are not good for me. I'll do my best to cut these things out without missing out on everything. Finding balance is difficult. But I know that I feel so much better when I make very conscious choices.

rave on.

neens

Healthy Birthday Party!

Yesterday we celebrated my 60th birthday at brother and sister in law's home. Seeing the majority of us are on the 2 teams competing in this weight loss challenge it was decided that it would be a healthy pot luck day. The weather couldn't have been better for a pool party.
Raw fruits and veggies, Bean Salad, Tieboleh Salad(middle east), Spinach dip and pumpernickle,king crab, pitas, humis, glocamollie, water and diet drinks, veggie , turkey and hamburgers on wholewheat buns and a delicious moist carrot like cake all made of natural ingredients (made by my daughter Neenie the chunky monkey originator of this blog.)
Everyone brought something and all contributed towards my very special gift.The most awsome juicer I have ever seen. Looking forward to getting healthy with the help of this new toy. How lucky am I? Thank you all, I'm sure this will truly help me lose weight as well as get healthier!
I also got a lovely lounge to lay out in the backyard on, from my sweetie.Look forward to using that!
Again thank you everyone, I'll be posting photos later today!

Love Birgie

Very Special Song...

I just received a phone call.On the other end was a sweet little voice, that of our little 2 year old grandson Aiden Michael Stoll singing Happy Birthday to his Oma(me). Made my heart melt to hear his little voice with so much enthusiasm. I wept! A Most Special Birthday Gift! Thank you Aiden! I Love You!
Thank you Tania and Jason for raising such precious grandchildren, giving us such special memories! You can be proud! See you later for some thank you hugs and kisses!
Love Mom/Oma/Birgie

Ham and Ang, our mother is quite amazing don't you think? Quite the story about my dramatic birth.Perhaps mom could share with us each of your births as well? Love to hear about them too?

Well done mom. A great story about Birgie, but I never recalled her being such a tiny new born.

We'll see you all tomorrow.

Awwwww (posted by Angie)

Hey Mom.... that was so sweet how you wrote that out for my big sister! I bet you were just adorable Birgie... Love you and see you tomorrow :)

Love
Angie

Thanks Mom

Thanks for sharing! I always liked that story about the day I was born. It always makes me laugh! So good that we have such happy memories!
Love Birgie

June 25.1947

My Dear Birgit!On Sunday we will celebrate your 6oth!!!
I recall the day so very well.here it is your wish from me.my or your doedate was realy August the 4th and in the night before you were born I said to Dad ,I think I am starting!!!Your Oma was not there,she went to Travemuende and left Tante Ilse in my care.What to Do???Dad knock on the door of neigthbours to ask her to please came up and see me.The anwser was"yes I think you better get ready to go to the Hospital,Oh no! I have nothing ready for that tripp yet!!! And than there was Ilse too.Dad thought ,I run to the Midwife,( wich had taken care of me)A note on her door was"in Holiday"!!!what now he probablel said to himself,It was Midnight.So he ran to the
Hospital just arround the corner,But!If your wife is having her baby,were is she????The nightnurse calmed him down and send him home to get me.We had a walk I never will forget.But we made it.And you my darling let me have my rest first and arrived at noon,with the Midwife present.A GIRL!So tiny,so fragile but it was my Baby!.
In the meantime Dad went home,and got out of Omas Linnencloset the damast serviettes
and myBabyclose,she had saved for her grandshildren.Why??All had to be marked with our Name.So he imbrodered a "P" into each item,what a good man.Proudly he came with all even my housecoat ,like a fresh new DADDY to the Hospital.I had to stay for 2 weeks in the hospital,
and felt like a Queen in the deckchair in the Garden,holding hands with my Hans.We were proud
parents for the first time.
Oma came the next day and was greeted at the trainstation by Tante Inge Marie.
Frau Freyenhagen,Karin hatte ihr Baby last night,aber es ist sehr k l e i n!You weighted
only 4 & 3oo oz,but you had a good voice and you were healthy,and we were happy.
You could only drink buttermilk formular,wich was hard to get.But your Dad knew a way and brought it home.Times were tuff!!Your Birth was more dramatic then Helmuts,maybe we
learned a lot. Hope I did you an honor,like you ask for.
By the way your were the sweetes Baby on the block,realy.Love you Mom.

Let's Go Swimming?

Hi All!

Jessie I love your photo entries of the Platz family enjoying a swim in the pool. Looks very inviting indeed! You and matt make a delightful couple!Perhaps a dip is in store on Sunday? Everyone looks so happy. Jen & Josh looks like your little Platschen is growing quite nicely!
These are busy times for all so I do understand if you can't all be there on Sunday. Please enjoy your weekends! It's so nice that some us will be together to enjoy the day anyways. I know that for mom it was one of the most special days of her life.

Perhaps mom could reflect a little on that day 60 years ago? She's told me the story many times, I think it appropriate for her to share it with all of us. I would be so honoured if you would type out your happy memories of that day for me, as a special birthday gift?

Last nite we met old friends from Walden's Landing at the Fallsview for supper. After 7 1/2 years so much to catch up on. We all made good food choices, but I must admit I did have a few pastries something I've avoided for more than 4 weeks. Will find a way to cut down on them and other things after this weekend. I will keep my intake to a minimum, keeping alternate choices available as substitutes. But it is birthday time so I'm going to enjoy! Really looking forward to seeing all of you.It will be so nice to get some Oma hugs!

Received a bday card from one of my oldest and dearest friends Sharon Ashby today. She likes to keep to herself so to even hear from her made it extra special! Sometimes our paths take different directions.

Love Birgie

Hi ya everyone!

Long time since I have put something on the blog, but I assure you I have still been reading all your incredible words! You are all amazing at expressing yourselves! Wow! What a family!

Lorna, I wanted to mention that, just because your scale doesnt show a decreased number, this does not mean whatsoever that you have not lost. If you are losing inches, and your clothes are feeling a little less snug, you are most certainly on track! You are toning your body 6 days a week and forming stream lined muscles, all of which essentially weigh more than fat! You work out more than any human I know! 6 days a week is going to build serious muscle, make you lose fat, trim the inches but the scale will not comfort you unfortunately. How often are you weighing in anyhow? I think once a week is good enough. Especially within women, our water carrying weight shifts dramatically day to day, so if you weighed yourself once a week, that would be the opportunity to see any change. Just give it a little more time, while keeping at eating well too and soon, things should even out and you should start to drop actual lbs. By the way, I am SO happy you have found a reliable lunch box! Man, that is gonna help you! Also, so glad to hear you are pleased being single now. You are a deep, kind, soulful woman...any man would be lucky to have you at his side - but all in good time right?! :)

I have not been eating all too well lately. Well, not really bad, but feel as if I have gained. I just might feel bloated and full from the gallons of water I have been drinking to stay hydrated! This weekend another camping trip is in order, this time in Algonquin with work folk. Really looking forward to it! Going to have lots of exercise! :) My pharmicist friend gave me a vegetarian cook book so WHEN I have free time, I really look forward to exploring and cooking some serious yummy food!

Well all you lovely people, sorry to miss out on Sun, but have a great time!!!!!!! Enjoy the yummy fresh air, the sun beaming down, the good healthy food, good convos and good company!

Love and big hugs!

Lorna # something or other

Hi Everyone,
This has been one hectic week - driving all over for wor - Lake Erie, Kawartha Lakes, Orillia and back. Lots of assessments, lots of work, lots of evenings and weekend typing, typing typing away for hours and hours on those dreaded medical-legal reports. I have to keep reminding myself why I am doing this..... . . .

Oh yeah, now I remember - so that I can support myself, and so I can take enough time off to go to Morocco, go north in the summer, stay off work for a few weeks after Jenn and Josh have their baby until they are self-sufficient with their routines, etc. To live a full life, with adventures.

I got a new cooler, and it is working better in the hot car. It takes so much preparation to take everything with me when I am on the road - freezer packs, healthy snacks, fruit, cut-up veggies, main vegetarian meal (usually someting from the Big Carrot mixed with some cooked whole grains), lots and lots of water - the cooler weighs a ton as I lug it to the car in the morning. But, having stuff with me keeps me on track.

Today, I was up in Coboconk, Ontario for an assessment (drove over 400 km. round trip), and I just needed a break, and went to a drive-through Harvies for a veggie burger, and (confession time) a coke (bad idea - got edgy with the caffeine) and onion rings (very weak moment that! tasted good at the time, felt like lead belly afterwards). The endless learning curve. I am definitely not tolerating junk food much any more. But, that was my first and only slip this week.

I am still keeping up training and/or cardio 6 days a week. I am very proud of that.

AND, I am still not losing any weight. Just plain stuck. This is an old syndrome for me - doing all the right stuff, not getting any reward/success, and then giving up with all sorts of excuses to give up (it's genetics, fat is beautiful, accept myself the way I am rather than trying to change myself, etc. etc.)

I absolutely refuse to give up this time. There has to be a way through for me. What I am doing now is very healthy and my energy level is amazing. I am also losing inches with all of my training.

This is a very big challenge for me - not to give in or give up. I have carried this weight for so many years. I really don't know what the answer is. I want to believe that there is an answer, a way, for the unhealthy part of my weight to slowly but surely drop away.

I think that deep down in my psyche, I don't believe that it is possible. I seem to be able, sooner or later, to find creative and meaningful answers to all of life's challenges except for this. There is definitely some sort of "holding" going on, but I just can't get to it.

I also cannot get over how calm I am feeling about finally letting go of my need for Walter to be any different that he is. Just letting go. Moving on. The past is the past. I am actually feeling good about being a single woman right now. I have not felt this sincerely good since our break-up. I am very proud of getting myself to this place in my life. Holding on to him, to that sorrow, was dragging me endlessly down.

That's what I mean - I can trust myself to get through even the toughest of things eventually. Except weight loss.

I have mixed feelings tonight - very pleased at how well I am doing, and very frustrated at the lack of weight loss. ARGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (Jenny, hold your ears again. I am swearing up a blue streak!)

Well, dear Platz family, I am so looking forward to Sunday. If Jenn is able to come, I will bring her with me.
Love, Lorna - healthy and stuck at the same time

Why Not Me?

After reading your little story (Ang.) re: Aunt Flo and Jenny's new found knowledge I can't help but share this too.
Most of Janine's little friends all had a visit with aunt Flo early on whereas she was a late bloomer. Tears were shed "Why Not Me?". I want her to visit me too! I used to tell her you really don't want her. She'll come soon enough. Don't worry. Just a case of wanting something that everyone else has. Seems to me she visited me later for my first visit as well.
There's some things I quess we'd rather do without? Right ladies? That's the nicest thing about pregancies aunt flo gets lost for 9 months.That in itself is a big treat! Anyways looking forward to Sunday.
Love Birgie

Birgit Helmut and Angie!

My three Children!
Your letters made me so proud,thankful to read all your great thougths.I know you gave the same spirit to your children.My family was always first in my mind.THe blogger did wonder,because it brings us so much closer .I love you all.
Birgit what ever will be,you will get througth it like I did.My thougths are dayly with you.
See you on Sunday!!!
Will bring my bathingsuit and also a beansalad.Hugs and Love Mom

Hi Folks;

It's 7:15; facilitated a training session all day for Schulich and Sue is off to Ottawa followed in quick succession with Montreal with the horse show stuff. I'll see her in ten days, but not without me first spending another four days in Saskatchewan-life is indeed hectic.

I just spoke with Terry Darby and he and Margie may come over for the night on Friday. It's always great to catch up with old friends spontaneously; Angie, following your note, I think we need to have some meaningful time with Jenny soon. Great that the picnic was fun and you paused to determine what to eat. That's always a major accomplishment for me.

Birgie, isn't that great that you can smell the water and absorb the moment where you live. I know that both Sue and I would really like to live on the water looking over the horizon-ocean or big lake, it doesn't matter. You are indeed very fortunate in so many ways. I'm thinking about you and cheering you on to have success with your diagnosis.

Neenie, you wolf in sheep's clothing; you need to lighten up and become a little more reckless. You are a gifted and talented artist having received such a predisposition from your mom and you need to give yourself some space. Just love life and all else will come in your direction including the special guy.

I have been driving Matt's jeep, a standard and I must say it's a lot of fun. When the threat of rain is gone, I will be taking the top off. The sun has been shimmering through the trees in the homestead and there is a whisper of wind; Ruby is nudging me for attention and life is indeed good. Let it be so for all of my family.

Ham

Sunny Day (Posted by Angie)

Today we had our company picnic so the office closed at Noon and we all headed to Binbrook Conservation area. I drove by the little Binbrook post office that we used to clean. The area sure has built up just like everything else over time.

I did pretty well with the eating part... skipped the tasty sweet desserts and had watermelon and huge strawberries instead. We played team challenge games. Sad to say our team sucked but the water balloon toss was fun. It was a nice sunny day and not too hot and much better than being inside the stuffy office for sure.

Can't wait for the weekend.

Love
Angie

Storm Damage-yesterday

Nice swimming pool eh?

Al's Port Dalhousie Photos

There's the beach! Volley ball anyone?

How about a Kayak ride?

Let's make Sandcastles?

Wavey Rides!

Just the other side of those trees is where Omi lives.

Beautiful Day

Just came back from a walk on the pier at Dalhousie with my sweetie. What a gorgeous day. The teenagers were jumping in the lake off the pier. Lots of children on the beach and swimming, we were surprised how far out the sand bank is.
You could hear the music of the carousel in the distance, people were riding it. Yes it was a lovely walk to the end and back, stops to sit on a bench and gaze at the Toronto skyline in the distance. The sailboats sure had their job cut out for them approaching the channel, maneuvering those big waves.We enjoyed basking in the sun simply enjoying the moment.
We are so lucky to be living so close to such a tourist attraction. Sure this summer we will picnic more down there as we did 3 years ago, and snooze under the trees in the afternoon.
The water was pretty wavey, you could smell the sea in the air.I can see why mom used to enjoy her trips to Port Dalhousie and still does now with her new friends at Heide Hoff.
A little walk in the fresh air is so good to keep us healthy.
Love Birgie

Way to go Neen!

Hi Everyone:

Well speaking of Aunt Flo the most unpopular member of the family visited me today.....lol.... Jenny is learning about sex education at school and though I have never been one to hide the concept of biology from her she is just now realizing that it is close at hand noticing her own body a lot more. She is shyly curious. So we had a good convo while she had her bath and I thought to myself that I am blessed to be able to help her with her questions in an open way so she isn't fearful of change nor surprised which would be worse. Another funny thing she asked today was if Uncle Sue has children which really surprised me. I just said "well sure... Josh and Jessie are Uncle Sue and Uncle Hams children" and she said "oh". Then I giggled and asked who she thought Josh and Jessie belonged to meaning where they were placed in our family. And she said she thought they were Omi's children at which point I explained well then you thought they are my brother and sister? And she said... no Aunt Birgie and Uncle Ham are your sister and brother... oh my... lol. Poor Jenny really didn't know how we all are related completely. So anyhow I think she has it straight now :) .

Glad you enjoyed your visit with the school Neen and that you are looking forward to it. I'm sure you will find it to be very rewarding.

Thanks for the pictures Birgie... The one with Janine and Mom is one I have never seen before and really made me remember those days a bit more clearly. My memory is not nearly as good as yours so its nice to see pictures of those days.

I feel quite icky today and am off to bed. Tomorrow is the company picnic in the afternoon and the office is closing which will be nice. I hear the temperature will be good. Saturday I am going to the Wholeness Place to have a consultation which I am looking forward to. Jenny is going to hang with her cousin Jack and cousin Sophie for a few hours which will be nice for her while I do that.

Sweet Dreams all!

Love,
Angie

Good for you Neenie...

Sounds like your life is taking all new directions. Good for you! Holistic Healing is a good forte for you sweetie. I'm sure you will find a way to manage this too. You seem to always find a way get what you need. Perhaps part time evening & weekend work , paid web work, sales?
Nice to hear you have made some new friendships, romance is nice, but not always necessary. Also glad the soup thing is over, It must have been transmitted to Al because he too had it as well as throwing up. Thought it was something he ate but it wasn't. Perhaps heat and nerves. He's just beginning to feel a bit better today. Not good to see him sick.
Anyways we're slugging away, Al's completing orders of Niagara Falls Trivets.We're meeting the Billyards in Niagara Falls for supper Thursday.That's Lydia's daughter Sue and Bill. They live in this neck of the woods now, work at Marineland for something to do in the summertime. They're retired, winter in Texas.
I'm working on a newsletters, as well as sorting out some ifs. The waiting game can be a pain in the neck sometimes. Funny how a little thing like the word cancer can instill fear in you. However I have so many people praying all will be well that I thinking positive.
I did design a lovely brochure for one of my Art groups. As well lovely trivets of the Butterfly Cons. and the Fallsview.
So much to think about but very little ambition to paint or be creative today. Maybe tomorrow will be a better day. Another storm here today, knocked down our neighbours' fence.
Hope you're all doing well?
Love Birgie

Hey everyone,

So today has been the first day of no soup-ass. Still uncomfortable digestive upset on occassion, so I'm trying to figure out how to temper that. Seems eating smaller, lighter meals is best. If I eat a moderately bigger meal all at once, I feel bloated and crampy. I used to be able to stomach larger portions, but my body is telling me it's no good anymore. So I'm taking that as a sign of better choices in the future.

Today I went and had an interview/orientation at the Institute of Holistic Nutrition. All around good energy and vibes from everyone there, so taking the one year certification would be a really good choice for me. I'm just in the midst of trying to figure out affording a year off to study. OSAP doesn't cover this school, so I'll have to perhaps do the bank loan thing. If anyone wants to make an invetment in my schooling, I will offer you free nutritional planning, monitoring and consultations once I'm certified. Heh.

I did some other grown up things today including finally getting RRSPs and talking to the bank guys about loans and credit and applying for mortgages in the future. J, Tan and I have been discussing buying a house together in Toronto perhaps next year. We'd be looking for a multi-unit property so that each family could have their own unit and perhaps we could have a third and/or fourth to rent out to help cover the mortgage. There are some great neighbourhoods and communities in the city and I think the kids would love it. Plus, Jason loves working downtown and Tania is looking forward to a change. She could find a job in her field in the city no problem. We shall see what the future holds, but it looks pretty bright.

On father's day Jason and Tan came over with the kids and we all went out and had fun. Aiden and I grow more attached every time we spend time. His energy is so wonderful and positive. I feel like I'm finally getting over the feeling of being lonely and feeling like some kind of relationship failure. It's been a few years since I've had a stable partner in my life, and that's been my choice, but now that I'm coming to grips with spending time alone, I'm beginning to see it as a positive thing. Wondering what's the rush and whatnot. I'd much rather take the time to truly get to know myself and love myself and know what I want out of life and a partner, rather then hope that I magically find a partner who will answer all of the unanswerables for me. Nothing is guaranteed in life. So you must first have your own back and be satisfied with your own personal choices. After all, you have to spend the most time with yourself for the rest of your life, so you might as well dig hanging out with yourself. I've met a lot of people in my lifetime who are entirely co-dependent. People who cannot be alone or create fun for themselves. I find these people very hard to relate to, because I know that if I didn't have my solitude and alone time for just me, I would go nuts and probably wouldn't have a clue who I was. Benoit was sort of like that, and therein resided the fundamental difference and it's probably what lead to our relationship's immanent demise. Sure, there are fellas who court me and swoon and gaga and whatnot, but I just don't feel into it. I'd much prefer fascinating friendships. I recently have spent time with this really wonderful fella who's a gifted musician, manager of a music publishing company, bred from a very well-to-do family, and his grandfather was even a member of the Group of Seven (Frederick Arbuckle). We've had nice times together, but I'm quite content with his companionship and friendship, though I get the word that he might like it to be a more serious. I don't feel much need in my life for that "partner" thing. Not until I'm ready, and I'm certainly not. Not until it's "right", you know? I'd much prefer to have all of the freedom in my life to run with. Travel, school, work, don't work, move, don't move.... all on my terms. There's something really nice aobut that. But please, someone stop me the moment I adopted my 14th cat, ok? Throw me on an online dating site and don't let me get up until I'm back in the game.

As for the diet, I've been ok I guess. My health issues have caused me some stress so I don't know if I've been focussing on diet as closely and diligently as I should. Plus, I'm beginning to retain water cause Aunt Flo (dumb bitch) is coming to visit this weekend. More raw foods in the plan for me. The good news is that I've more or less maintained a good deal of my weightloss since starting the raw cleanse. I'm 1/3 of the way to my goal. Maintaining and losing the last 10 lbs won't be easy, but I'M GOING TO DO IT!

Best of luck to you all. You're doing awesome!

love,
neenie

Hiya Sue :)

I was having some fun with my picture programme and look what I found .... hehe! Susie Q where are you?

Love, Angie

Omi reading "the secret"

Hi my Schnuddle Puddle!Guess you are already in Bed.Its good I can talk to you on the computer.First I was reading your and Birgits Letter with the picture from when I was young!!!
I think it is so wonderful Angie ,You are ready to stepp out of your Lonesome Life.Your plan to help with Cancer patients is great.I know you will be good in that field.Finding your innerself
and evtl. raiki with a group in Ancaster should bring you joy in life again.I was reading "The secret"today.I can already identefy with many suggestions.Was sitting on my porch,it is so quiet,only the birds are singing or calling another,or taken a bath in the birdbath,It is so cuit.And I wondered why I am so at peace here!?It is, us if I was in our backyard in Ancaster,were I had many relaxt weekends or evenings sitting with Dad.He loved to read,and I did my knitting,beside me always a pile of Mode magazins,wich made me dream and plan new things to sew or knit for my children and grandchildren.I never gave it a thougth that this"my little world "would one day fall apart???Only you my dear children gave me the strength to go on.Was it a gardian Angle standing by my side?You and many good poeple and the choir helped me to pick up the peaces.Today my Attitude is Gratitude!I am so thankful ,I stayed healthy.I am blessed to see even my great grandchildren,so beautiful growing up.And you my 4Grandshildren make me so proud.Hope I can enjoy many more years seeing your lifes progress.Ham you said it at Josh and Jenn's Wedding"The purpose of life is to learn and to love and to love living and to be your whole wonderful self"All can be done if we believe in ourself.All your letters are an example.
And with us walking now is also you dear Lorna.It is so wonderful to read what you have to say.
I am sure you also will find your inner peace.give it time and go forward.
Birgit I am so proud of you,with that attitude you will get througth all,and will feel so much better.
Love you all.Looking forward to Sunday Mom/Omi

Lorna #14

Gawd, you guys and gals are just gorgeous!
Love the pictures.
Love the journeys.
Love, Lorna

JENNY & OMI

OMI HUGS

ANGIE THANKSGIVING 2006

Before Pictures

This picture was taken Christmas 2005 at the Millcroft.

Lets see how these 3 people look Christmas 2007?

Does anyone else have any before pictures to share?

4 Flights Down and Up

Hi All,

Today while downtown parked in a parking garage sans elevator , only finding myself walking down 4 flights and back 4 flights of stairs. That felt great for me , one who avoids situations like that usually.
Al picked up some beautiful cherries which I'm looking forward to eating this evening, will continue this eating healthy journey!
Glad everyone had a great weekend, especially you mom. So good that you are able to partake with all your choir friends, it's a very strong friendship bond you have there. I see that you are forming new and lasting friendships here as well ,that is so good. To see you enjoying your new home and friends brings us all such great joy!
Janine I sure hope you are better?
Angie I love your apple story as well as how you are attempting those big exercise balls. When I went to Curves a few years ago I stayed clear of them, too scarey for me.

Awesome! (Posted by Angie)

Thats a lovely picture Birgie! I am so glad you guys are on my team!!!! Yay!!!! I am not down any but not up... so 5 lbs for me so far.

Today I made the committment to become a volunteer at Wellwood Resource Centre here in Hamilton. This is a voluntary organization based out of Henderson Cancer Clinic with many programmes to assist cancer patients and their families. I can't just sit idle anymore watching the world go by and I know I need something to do that is meaningful to me in my life. My motivation has many levels... Birgie's journey, Mom's journey and Ham's encounter with cancer as well. If I can learn, support and give somewhat of myself in the process I think that it can only be a good thing. The people I have talked to there are awesome and there is so much that they need help with. One of the suggestions was for me to work with an outreach team that visits festivals and shows promoting the support of the centre. I think I may be good at that. There is a process of acceptance though... so I may not be officially accepted until September.

The other thing I am going to do if I can get John to agree to having Jenny overnight on Thursdays is mediation classes to connect with my spirituality. Its right here in Ancaster out in the country and I have a really good feeling about the people I have connected with. This can tie into Reiki and other alternative energy therapies. I am so excited about these things and I think this will open up my life more. I feel hopeful and excited for the first time in a really really long time.

Anyways... I have to go make dinner.... Love you all and thank you for helping me open my eyes to new possibilities.

Saying for today - Without Dreams there is no Reality!

Love,
Angie

June 1971-Birgie & Lillian

Woops !

Al just told me it's been 4 weeks since are journey began. Think I lost a week somewhere!
Anyways to date he has lost 7 lbs. and me 6.5 for our A team.

Success

To date I have lost 6.5 lbs. so far. I'll keep doing what I'm doing. I think the dried fruits are one of my biggest treats as well as the black licorice.Everything in moderation though, this I have learned from this 3 week journey so far . Thanks for all encouragemet all round! Wish you all a great week!
Love Birgie

Wise Daughter

In 1996 Janine introduced me to my Reiki Master and Shaman.I was in desperate need of guidance. Sherry was able to get right into my core at that time. I am a firm believer in Reiki for healing whether it be pain of the body or mental pain. Without it I doubt that I would have had the courage to move to my better place along side of Al in 1998. I knew full well that in order to make that choice it would effect so much of my life as I had known it. It would mean fitting in with a whole new group of human beings, not an easy task. Our love for each other sustained us, that is paramount and we can be grateful for that. Sacrifices and compromises were made by both of us.
I highly recommend Reiki and Shiatsu to anyone.Having worked at a wellness center in 1996 for 8 months, I got to understand it a bit. Ironically enough many of the clients were cancer patients looking for pain relief. We all need to be touched, it is so important! Hugs are so good for us too! Looking forward to those hugs next weekend!
Lorna, my goodness it is so nice to hear your wise words , how well we are learning about each other. I believe we will all come out of this much wiser and yes healthier too. Seems our minds are getting ready to clear the way for the next task at hand whatever that may be.I'm turning away lots of goodies and really trying to make better choices, this week will be a better week I'm sure. Saying NO to myself is the hardest job of all.
I need to be strong for what lies ahead!

Lorna #13

Hi Everyone,
It's late Sunday afternoon, and I have been home catching up on paper work most of the day. Yesterday I went to visit my father and mom. My dad is really getting weaker by the month and because his mind is still so sharp, he worries and worries about everything. And, I am so blessed to have him still here and so present in my life. I brought him flowers and we sent out for a shrimp dinner which we had together at their condo. He was so happy to have me there. The feeling was mutual.
I thought that I wouldn't write much more as we are getting together next weekend at John and Sue's, and I was looking forward to just hugging and talking to everyone, rather than writing.
But, then I just opened up the blog today and caught up on the last additions. I have tears in my eyes. Such wisdom, such openess, such courage and such creativity from everyone. I cannot begin to say how honoured I am to be part of such company with this all. Thank you so much for including me.
John, I wanted to say something to you. About your "widow-maker" comment. So many people get annoyed at their spouses for nagging them about their health. They don't get that they love them, and are so so so scared to lose them. It comes out in nagging, etc., not particularly healthy behaviour. But, I really appreciated what you wrote. Also about it all being a mind game. Re-structuring belief systems, and then re-structuring one's behaviours to support the new beliefs.
Angie - I do not have one dating skill. This finding a new relationship after all these years is so intimidating, I know why people give up and just hang out with "the girls". I have buried myself in work and household matters and sorrow since being on my own. Even my old interests - reading, walking, painting, writing, have mostly fallen by the wayside. I did have one fling, and although it had its short-lived fun and intimate moments, too much of my old habits of how I am in relationship with someone just reared up and I had no opportunity to explore a new way of being before it ended. It's a lot of work to put your self and your heart out there. I have no wisdom in that department. Just wanted to appreciate your comments.
I seem to have had some sort of epiphany (spelling?) in the last week or so. Part of it was working out daily, and making it fun and feeling so good all day. But the other, most major part, was the finally coming to the realization as to why my grief and depression about my marriage break-up would simply not go away. I have been tackling that topic for months now, with the help of a good therapist. It was like untangling hundreds of threads - all kinds of beliefs, behaviours, fantasies, fears, assumptions, weight gain, distractions, etc. Since insight does not equal change, I recently have been having some Reiki and some Shiatsu sessions as well, because I needed to get to where the energy of my sorrows has been stored inside of me. And I needed to hold fast to the intention that I will get through this and that I am capable of getting through this, with bells on even! And, it has been like a recent revelation to me. I won't go into the details, but I had to really "get" that my holding on emotionally to Walter was not love......unrequited, abandoned love. Or that I was the good guy and he was somehow the bad one. I had to truly, madly, deeply "get" that that was not so. This hanging on of mine was all of my own internal doing. Walter buffered me for many years from my own worst fears and anxieties. His leaving has challenged me to my core. I am choosing now to step up to the plate and to face and deal with these challenges without my 36-year crutch.
As a human being, he did me a favour. Neither he nor I could have created the space for me to grow through my deepest issues with the way our marriage was structured.
It is very freeing.
It's a lot of work.
I am in a strange place of suspended calm right now.
There is a whole new life ahead of me.
So, my darlings all, that is my piece for today. I do so look forward to seeing everyone on Sunday. I hope we can swim.
To be brutally honest, I have not lost much weight, and I am letting the team down in saying this. But, somehow, I have faith that the greater growth will contribute to my eventual ability to just let all this extra weight go, and to make all of my thoughts and behaviours support me optimally.
Happy Father's Day.
Love, Lorna

Brought tears to my eyes...

Well family you guys sure are all prolific writers. My goodness, it's simply amazing that we are digging deep into our souls to see the real us.
Angie , I too feel with you on the "our father" issue, but I know we all tried and were very respectful and grateful for all that our father did for us. So today as we celebrate Father's Day I will think positively of his goodness.
For you Ham, you always were the perfect dad and uncle for all our children. You taught them all how to have fun! Thank you for that!
Janine, you mentioned that perhaps an upsetment caused your soupy episodes, you could be right.
About 35 years ago when your gramma Stoll died of ovarian cancer (in the same hospital where you my dear Jessie work today).
I was given the role of helping your father prepare for her funeral. We chose her clothes, wigs etc. Being 24 & still a newly wed never having dealt with this, we made some wrong choices in burial garments. Apparently she had wanted to be buried in the gown she wore at our wedding, less than a year before. At the viewing and funeral the topic came up on why wasn't she in the mauve dress she wore at your wedding? Many people commented on that, I felt so guilty that her last wish was not kept.
Anyways this episode and her death in itself caused me to not have a period for 4 months, so much so that I assumed I was pregnant. That birthday in 1972, Angie you gave me a baby carriage charm for my birthday. I bought a second hand pram and bassinet from the people in our apartment building . Started learning to crochet a baby blanket from my friends at work. Shell stitch , no less, pretty impressive yellow blanket, worked all my spare time on that, it was a true labour of love for this baby I thought I was carrying. The blanket I still have. Everyone was so happy! Amazing I still hadn't gone to the doctor for confirmation. Finally I made the appointment and that Friday morning Aunt flo arrived , or was it a miscarriage? The doctor said go home and take it easy, if it was, it's gone now.This particular doctor was one of my mother in laws ' doctors who believed in prescription drugs to deal with whatever ails you, so no wonder he wasn't too concerned about my condition and sent me home.
I remember crying on the streetcar, we were supposed to go to the cottage. It was decided I should go spend the weekend with my sister in law Jean. I shouldn't be left alone she felt.
So the men went north and I stayed at her house. This same sister in law never spoke to my mother in law for 25 years only on special occasions, so I came into a family trying to be the peacemaker, unfortunately one of the participants died.
In a few weeks my ex inlaws will be celebrating their 60th wedding anniversary.
So you see Janine, perhaps somethings are hereditary, I hope you get better.
I know your gramma Stoll would have loved you to bits just like Omi does. She always wanted a grand daughter.That you you would have been to her. She would have had 7 great grand daughters and 1 great grandson, most of which you have recently met. Imagine how blessed Elt & Jean are today to have so many loving grandchildren to help celebrate their special anniversary in July at the Stoll family cottage?
I think I've dug deep again, sorry about that, but I still do feel guilty about the dress thing, which is just a small part of my 20 year Stoll history.
Remember 3 years ago going to Over Eaters Anonymous, there one of the steps was to aplogize to anyone you ever wronged. Pretty big job and I never had the chance to really complete the task.
Perhaps if I apologize in "My Own Mind" without confronting the people I can move on and focus on the task at hand getting myself healthy. Now that's a POSITIVE IDEA. I think today I will forgive myself and allow myself to be happy and healthy!
I look forward to many more years with my lovely family!!!!!!!!!!
Thanks for taking the time to read my thoughts.
Have a great week all!!!!!!
Love Birgie
PS: Angie do find yourself a fulfilling hobby, building anything would be a great idea!Home Depot even cuts the wood for you.

More Today (By Angie)

I feel like you guys just gave me a big hug... and it's really appreciated. Thank you for such compassionate understanding Jess and Janine... you sweeties are the best! Janine you may be very correct with regard to the gluten factor. I had a friend who had Celiac disease and his symptons were very similar to yours. It may be something to bring up with the doctor for confirmation but if you are feeling better for not eating gluten based products then I'd say your body sure is telling you something. Good luck with that :)

I'm eating an apple... it's the best apple I have ever eaten... because I'm eating it this very moment and its the best choice this moment I could have made. This apple is giving me something I need and is becoming a part of me. I'm grateful for every cool, crisp, sweet, crunchy bite and the feeling of fullness I now have because of this little apple that grew just for me :)

I would like to addendum to a previous post with regard to hereditary largeness as I don't want anyone to think that I would throw in the towel and use it as an excuse for being heavy. What I saw in a programme on morbid obsesity explained that there may be a genetic predispostion to over eating because of an imbalance in the brain chemical dopemine (sp?) which is a pleasure chemical. Some studies had shown that obese people "may" eat to increase this chemical to make themselves simply feel happier. This is just a theory and we all know there have been lots of studies on why people are fat. But what they also mentioned was that large people who have lost the ability to move comfortably do less exercise (because its harder to move) and that exercise also increases this pleasure chemical. Thus the answer would be ... move as much as you can! I think I also mentioned that the food choices we make are important and would like to add that I think it really requires a new way of looking at what is "good" food... as in what we are craving and why. This support of the blog and of your mens group Ham is so totally essential to success because we all need to reminded that the real goal is not only to lose weight but to feel healthy and more in control of our eating and subsequently our lives. I saw a great tee shirt the other day and I wish I could find one like it. It said " Impossible.... thats NOTHING"! And truly Nothing is Impossible! I really believe that! So now I am going to figure out what to do with this dang huge red ball in my living room! It has attachments for resistance exercise as well for the arms. I wish I had a video camera so you could all have a good laugh at the beginnings of this Pilates guru ... hehe!

Many Blessings and May the Force be with you! hehe

Love

Angie

Omi back ome again.

Hallo my dear family!Angie ,thanks for driving me home from a wonderful weekend..On Friday
Ulli Ingrid And Margrit And Karl Heinz picked me up.Margrit is a nurse in a very exspencive nursinghome in Braithbrigde.She was in ahh seeing my little home and the Heidehof.Also she thinks I made the rigth dissicion.to go here.And the Price is sooo rigth too.THe picnic with all my dear friends was wonderful.We had steaks and sausage and many different salads,drinks,allfree
and of course german tortes and cake.I ate only half of what others did,so I am no t worried,I gain any.The "Fit" ones played football and with water ballons.And then came MY time singing all oldfamiliare songs mostly in GErman,to the sound of 2 gitares,accordion and mouthorgan.At the end everyone wanted to hear my song,it is in plattdeutsch:Ik wull we ware noch klein Johann>>>In urlier years I would sing solo,but have now help with 3 other girls.and of course the Gitar is playing too.By the way ,It was"Hans"favered song!!!!
It was an unforgettable Day. First I was reading all the new letter on the blogger.
My dear Angie,I feel with you,because I was there too,when Dad left,so alone.But the joyening the choir was my lifesaver.First of all I could sing again,Many could identefy with me ,let me talk
or had a big hug and understanding.You my Angie have to find a group like that with your interrests,Like we just said when you leftJust do it!!You have all my love and understanding

My dear Birgit,Its so good to hear,you and Al had a great time,you are going on with your painting.Food for the soul A "Happy Fathersday to you dear Al.

My dear Helmut! I wish you a "Happy Fatherday"You surly are the "Best Example" of a good father.I will catsh up with you on the Phone again.

My dear Jenine!Its good you went to the doctor.I wish you will soon feel better,Love Omi
My dear Jessy ,I like to read your incureching words.I think I realy
get to know you and Janine much more.The blogger is a great Family link.Keep on blogging!!

I wish all a good new week with success in every way.Love Mom/Omi

soup, anyone? (posted by Janine)

Hey Fam,

Ang, I was also very moved/touched/saddened by your letter. I'm unsure whether it's a trait that's hereditary, but I experience the same feelings of isolation. The whole idea of not wanting to pursue a relationship because you feel like you need to "fix" yourself in order to be good to someone or allow someone to be good to you is something that I also live with. And all the while we are mired in the thoughts and truths that opportunity and life just pass us by. I've often wondered about myself if my self-judgements are only really comprised of self-importance and self-involvement. I've often thought that all of the energy exerted on thinking about what's "wrong" is wasted, when I could be exerting that energy into making things "right". But humans are complex people. We come from a very gifted creative family, even if some don't focus too much attention or import on their creativity. But the thing about creative people is that we're emotionally sensitive. Probably more so than the average soul. Easily affected by outside stimuli. The eating issue and the weight issue are only small pieces of the puzzle on a grander scope. Being thin will not find you happiness alone. There are so many other elements to getting there. But what I can say, without doubt, is that your kindness and humour and beauty are undeniable traits, Ang. Regardless of the strain of life and you own personal frustrations and what you see as short-comings, the truth of your wonderful qualities are things that you cannot elude. They are innately you. And that makes you worth so much more than maybe sometimes you feel worth. I think that taking time for you is key. I remember working at night school when I was younger. There was a wood working course and I remember a women taking the course and she was building a beautiful wardrobe. When you mentioned taking a course, I imagined you building something magnificent. I've always dreamt of building myself a gorgeous hope chest. I could also see you delving deep in to the healing arts. Reiki and stuff. You'd be awesome at that, because I think that you're also innately very spiritual and more in touch then you recognize. Old soul type shit, you know? Please be kind to yourself.

Speaking of shit... I think I might've figured out my issue. I'm no doc and self-diagnosis can be dangerous, but just based on some experimentation... I cut out gluten from my diet yesterday and felt fine... No soup-ass. I added wheaty things and gluten this morning and instant digestive upset followed by eventual soup-ass with a vengeance. So what does this mean? I think I might be celiac which is a genetic disorder that makes gluten indigestible and rather toxic to the body. I may be jumping the gun, but for a long time now I can remember wheaty stuff causing a ruckus in my system. After reading more I've learned that full-blown celiac disorder can lay somewhat dormant until it is triggered by an event of some sort. Stress, Miscarriage, operation or accident, etc. So I felt that maybe stress or coming off of raw veganism might've caused the trigger. Still, I'm no professional. All I can do is eat what my body tells me to, and for now it says "screw you gluten". Wish me luck in figuring it all out.

Love,
neens